Mine and Amber's Friendship: A History

07 January 2017

(amber titled this post in a grammatically incorrect way just to annoy me)
*crashes in, smelling of bins and public toilets.* Hey kids, it's me, Hawwa. Who else would it be? This is my blog, after all. Sorry about the stench, I don't wash. Also I'm obsessed with Donald Trump's hair. Like, Does anyone know what hairspray he uses? (you know, you buy it for him - you're his PA aren't you?)

Anyway, I just thought I'd let you all know that my friend Amber Kirk-Ford (blog, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram) is absolutely amazing and I highly recommend that you all go and follow her. Amber is the one person in life who I really look up to; she's one of those people who, annoyingly, is perfect in every single way - yet you can't help but love them for it, you know?
Okay, fine, it's not Hawwa writing this, it's me, Amber, the friend she loves most in the world. I'm sure Hawwa would say all of the above things herself anyway, given the opportunity. Today, though, she doesn't have that opportunity, as we've swapped blogs for the day. It's like that old TV show, Wife Swap (not as inappropriate as it sounds, I promise) but better. Shoutout to The Savage Savannah and The Punk Butterfly for letting us do this, as blog swapping was their idea.
So yeah, I'm on Hawwa's blog. SO MUCH POWAHHHH. What to do, what to do... imma tell you about our friendship because I'm cute af. (everyone falls off their chair laughing so much because you're about as far away from cute as putin is)
Is it friendship if you hate each other? *pokes Hawwa with stick* *recoils from inevitable oncoming disease*
So kids, sit down because I'm about to learn you a thing.
The first time I spoke to Hawwa was when she sent me fan mail. Really, it was an email telling me how cool I am, but I feel like calling it fan mail will annoy her, so I'm going with that. I was thirteen, she was fourteen (we're both eighteen now, #adulting) and she was fangirling over my blog and my hair, which at the time was dip-dyed bright purple because I thought I was cool. (I am.) Hawwa wanted hers done the same way, but blue. Guess who has their hair dip-dyed blue at the moment? LAUREN CIMORELLI. I LOVE CIMORELLI. CAN I WRITE ABOUT THAT INSTEAD? Anything is better than Hawwa tbh.

Anyway, I say Hawwa, but I mean J. That's what she called herself, meaning that when we spoke on Twitter a few months later and started to become actual friends, I had no idea she was the same person who had emailed me. That was weird. Catfish, anyone?
Then she sent me like 20 emails asking how come I reviewed books, where they came from, who I contacted, how I got to join blog tours, and asking me to follow her on Twitter… it was vaaaguely annoying (just like you) so nothing's changed there. This is probably the last time she gave me a compliment. (It’s the first tweet she ever sent me. We're so old now, this probably belongs in a museum.) (you belong in a bin, not a museum my friend)

(i'm more annoyed that there was a typo..)
Here are some Fun Facts™ about our catfish relationship friendship.
1. We can be nice to each other sometimes, I guess.
A boring Fun Fact™ but one that I feel needs to be said fairly soon, otherwise you'll think I'm a bitch. (LANGUAGE PLEASE) I don't hate her. She doesn't hate me. (that's what you think..) We're occasionally nice to each other, I promise. Not that I often have good reason to compliment her.
2. We're very open about our toilet habits.
And we congratulate each other whenever it's confirmed that neither of us is about to become a mother. Fun times.
3. Hawwa is stupid. I am not.
Like, she got loads of As in her exams blah whatever but she thinks Manchester isn't hilly. IT'S UP NORTH. IT'S HILLY. LOOK AT THIS MAP. JEEZ. (We had this argument months ago and I'm still not over it.) (it's not that hilly i said)

4. We've never met...
...but I'm planning a road trip up there and we're going to photograph pretty hipster things and eat in veggie cafes all day. The excitement is real. Hawwa's actually pretty desperate to meet me; she keeps going on about it. (You're getting things twisted here..Who's the one that sent an article link detailing great veggie places to eat out in Manchester again?.) I guess I can understand the appeal, what with my charm and dazzling beauty. Personally, I'm not that bothered about the trip. Petrol is going to be so expensive. FML.
5. I accidentally made her dirty-minded.
Sorry not sorry. A friend did that to my humour when I was 11, so I'm just passing on the tradition. It makes everyday life way more interesting. She should be thanking me. (Ummmm?)
6. We hate the same people.
Nothing makes a friendship stronger than shared dislike. The people we used to be friends with, man. Why.
7. Hawwa's handwriting is so hard to read...
...but also really pretty at the same time. I'm kind of jealous. (omg you complimented me is the moon blue?)
8. We do have intelligent conversation/rants, sometimes.

Racism, sexism, feminism, homophobia, Brexit, that guy called Donald, that rat called Nigel, you name it, we've covered it. We've even written for The Guardian about it, multiple times. Define power couple.

9. The foundation of our friendship is 100% bants.
#ladsontour. (i can't believe you just said that i'm so disappointed in you.)

Like soft Brexit, this is our soft banter. For a proper look at our weirdest of private messages, check out Hawwa's alright-ish post (you mean post that is way better than yours and more extensively researched because i am a committed journalist?) on my blog where she's fully dug up the past with screenshots and everything. She has a lot of time on her hands.
*crawls out from where i was hidden under my bed* - go and read the post i did on amber's blog, it's way more entertaining then this sad excuse for a post.


  1. This made me smile lots, you guys so cute I'm feeling a little jealous, just a tad...tiny.....teeny

    Am I allowed to gatecrash/third wheel/happen to arrive at your mank voyage? ;)

    1. GOOD. That was the whole point. But um, Zoe? I wouldn't describe us as cute at all..
      OF COURSE YOU CAN. We might kick you out though - no promises..it depends on our mood..

  2. I second you Hawwa on this one, sorry Amber. Manchester is hilly but it's not THAT hilly... it's mostly just flat and dismal and bloody cold.
    THIS was quite the read.

    1. YES! SEE! EXACTLY! I HAVE BACK UP. it's pretty flat and dismal.

  3. XD I found this post hilarious. Your friendship is true love. I'm Switzerland on whether Manchester is hilly or not. Imma gonna read your post on Amber's blog now ^_^

    1. I'm glad - we all try to be funny so it's nice to have some validation...
      HEY NOW - it is NOT *that* hilly?!

  4. This was so funny haha! XD Your friendship is goals ;D


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