1. If you want to write a novel. You should write it.
Honestly, I don't understand those people who wish they could write a novel yet they don't ever put pen to paper. To write, you need to write. It's a basic fact that seems to go missing at the most convenient of times. Which brings me onto another thing: pens. Use a pen and paper, it stimulates the brain. Typing does not, never use a laptop - they will possess you. *Hides under a duvet typing this post*.
2. Drink lots of coffee. Caffeine is good.
It will make you hyper. Which will jab all those ideas swimming around your head in the backside with an electric prod and then, and then you will know what to write about. Who drinks water these days anyway? That's a blindingly obvious trend from last century. And again, another thing to add, keep up with the fashion why don't you - it'll help with your writing, as I clearly just showed.
3. Use big words, and lots of description.
Big words make you feel clever, and there's nothing worse than feeling like a total idiosyncratic ignoramus who cannot tell his ebullient characters from his gasconading-enthused villains. Secondly, description: it makes your word count seem like it could hit the moon. Dur. Who cares if nothing happens in your novel? As long as it's 50K+ no-one does. No-one reads these days anyway.
Have you guessed yet? I am attempting to continue some of my failed novel ideas previously outlined and moaned over. And, oh, you guessed already - it's not working. Mainly due to lack of time, I get about ten minutes a day to write which usually ends up with me staring at a blank word document and closing it with a gusty sigh after my ten minutes is up. Needless to say, I have yet to broaden my word count since I last checked it when I wrote my novel ideas post. But never fear, these three points will clearly aid in my arduous journey. After all, I did come up with them.